When I asked Jerome what to wear at New Year, he did say "Just look cool." As if I could.

Jerome is having a New Year party, which I am looking forward to/to which I am looking forward.

Last night, I had a clever idea. Perhaps we should go to Jerome's party in fancy dress...but dressed as Jerome! There's the surfer look, the Liberty's cotton skirt, the Posh Spice dress, the silver track suit, the pink toga, the truck driver, and if all else fails we could all go as basketball players. I've already listed many of Jerome's best looks on this august blog.

Then I thought that it wasn't such a clever idea. We might shame him in front of his new friends.

A word of thanks to Jerome.

He's a resilient kind of chap. But in c.1996, Jerome decided he was going to buy some leather trousers and Clarence and I really thought he shouldn't. We had an anxious discussion - should we try and persuade him not to? I can't remember whether we dared to broach the subject or not. But in the end he didn't. Perhaps he spent all the money on the fruities instead.

Jerome, thank you for not buying the leather trousers.

Having said that, the other weekend at our reading group weekend, Jerome got out his box of funny hats and the Liberty's cotton flowery skirt that my Grannie hemmed for me (at about the same time as the leather trousers idea came into his mind) fell out of the bag. I'm too fat to wear it now, anyway.

Jerome wore it one year at the Hobbiton Village Fete.

Sure as Eggs is Eggs

Jerome used to claim to be allergic to dairy produce.

We both got very drunk a few years ago, and were playing poker at about 5am. Jerome demanded food. I cooked him a cheese omlette. He scoffed the lot and demanded more.

***LEGAL DISCLAIMER***

His face would have swollen, and his hair would have fallen out anyway.

That last sentence was very harsh, and I apologise. I am after all very fat and am in no place to criticise.

When Tom Ate Jeromes Cooking

Tom (the younger Riggs twin) had been vegitarian for I dunno, about a decade or something, and decides he wants to go back to being a carnivore. I was supposed to be cooking him his first meaty dinner since before Maggie was ensconced in mumber 10, but I had been sent to work away for the week.

Nil Desporandum. Jerome lept unto the breach, and announced to the world that he would cook Tom his famous Spag Bol. This done (perhaps with a little light music, some wine and soft lighting, who knows!), Tom said "well that was very nice Jerome, but mince doesnt really taste like I remember" to which Jerome replied, with his little chipmunk snigger "hur hur, yea, well thats cos the mince was green, I've had it ages, must have been off. Hur Hur".

Tom spent another 6 months as a veggie.

When Jerome ate my cooking

On Friday, we were talking about cooking, and Jerome said that he had never eaten my cooking. This puzzled me. Surely, in our long and eventful relationship, Jerome has eaten my cooking at least once.

Then I remembered he has. Here' s the story.

A while ago, when I was living in Hobbiton, my friend Clare (that's Alexander Technique Clare) visited to celebrate her birthday. I asked her what she would like to do and she said that she would like to cook a meal at home, then go out to the pub at the top of the road. Everyone was happy with this except Jerome, who was determined to go to the Chinese in Buckleberry and have crispy duck and threw a bit of a strop, and sulked off to the Chinese anyway. Clare insisted, so we made the vegetarian lasagne anyway, two large dishes of it. We only managed to eat one, so I thought I'd leave the other one for my parents to enjoy.

We met Jerome later in the pub and had a fantastic evening. When I got up the next morning, the other lasagne (whose twin fed at least six, possibly eight people) had vanished. Jerome and Clare came back late from the pub and ate the entire thing.

So while Jerome can reasonably claim not to have eaten much of my cooking, the drunken version does like my vegetarian lasagne.